All photos were taken 2011 in Utah
at my graphic design graduation ceremony
Well, you heard about autism. You heard a lot of bad things, they are not true. The whole topic is quite far too superficial presented in society. That is easy, and you are done. Do you think you know me? Do you think you are an expert of someones behavior? Do you see inside the people? You already made an opinion of who they are?! Nice for you. But you will never find the truth. You think they don´t speak? But you have to have the willingness to listen. And believe me, they have a lot to tell. So am I.
The problem, I´m an high expert in masking. Do you ever heard of masking in autism? Do you ever heard how hard it is? Because you lose your true self? You see me smiling. Well you think I´m fine. Superficial again. So as I said, you can´t look inside. What are my traumatic experiences in the past. Did I tell you, do you know? You can´t look in someone´s head, in their battered soul. Sorry, you walk the easy way. An harmless but boring way. And so you will never discover the beauty of diversity, that would bring us all further in life. You can think about it. I hope you do! Not for me, but for yourself.
When you really can´t go anywhere far, the memories come back. Here are some pictures of my Hurtigruten winter trip from 2014. Which I have seen lots of northern lights in the Norwegian night sky. Very much the most impressive thing I have ever seen. And certainly never forget.
I got into the band Death Cab for Cutie as far as I can remember through the O.C. California, which I loved to watch back then. This series really had excellent music. Including this band. And if I'm not mistaken, Seth Cohen also had a poster on the wall of this band.
There is this proverbial calm before the storm!
This oppressive premonition, that something huge will roll towards you.
Still undefined but unstoppable.
Restlessness and fear seize my body.
The future is too uncertain.
But it’s too late to run away.
I freeze for quite a while.
Billions of thoughts pave their way through my head.
All at the same time.
A thunder in the distance.
I feel the wind is getting stronger.
I stand firm.
What should I do?
It will get massive, I’m sure of that.
I walk a little and look into the distance.
Quite far away.
The sky is darkening.
But there, oh see, suddenly for a second, it becomes very bright.
A flash of lightning illuminates this and my world.
Wonderful and threatening at the same time.
A deep rumble heralded this poignant spectacle.
I go a little further.
I’m getting calmer.
There is life out there.
And there is life in me, that is
just raging inside.
Just as it is before my eyes.
A drop of water on my forehead.
Another one on my nose.
I feel it, there is a connection.
Now Heaven opens its gates uncontrollably.
Everything around me is flooding.
I’m soaking wet within seconds.
I don’t mind, I do not today.
I feel, I really feel.
I am one with nature.
She lives, she challenges me.
She calmed me down, finally.
It’s there and it’s real.
I am there and I am alive.
I rave, I’m loud, I can be loud.
I get quiet
I’m very calm.
And I will find peace.
I just wrote this, and I should this do fare more often again. And some day, I do a book of poems, for everybody to read. Well, everybody who has the affinity, too. That would be a dream come true. And I dream today, for a better world, for kindness, for the purity of soul and for love.
I have joined the – Mut zur Wut – poster competition this year for the third time. And 3230 posters were submitted. 100 of them were now chosen from a jury. None of them from mine. Well, I didn’t win again. I am still sad, of course, I just found out yesterday. But I´m also proud of my work. Because the three posters turned out pretty good. And to have managed all of this in my free time alongside my full-time job and external circumstances that weren’t exactly helpful. The Victim poster in particular, is certainly quite blatant and exaggerated, but the competition ultimately means having the courage to be angry. And as I mean, to show what´s going wrong. So I did. Like it or not.
It’s been a long time. And it´s been a while I wrote here.
I have fond memories of the SWR3 Travis Hautnah concert for which I won tickets that time. It was on May 10, 2007, I was one of lucky hundred radio listeners who had the chance to get real close to this band. I always liked them, especially their second album – The Man Who – from 1999. So it was for sure a very special evening and I will never forget.